The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
