he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
