u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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