Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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