He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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