I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
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