Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
