we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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