she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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