I wanna bring you to show and tell
Say something about gay babies.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
