i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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