its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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