OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
