I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
