the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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