Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
