I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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