I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
