I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
