All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
