she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
