so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
