You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
