Swine flu. Run for my life!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
