I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
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