Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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