I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
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