she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
