is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We have so much sex to catch up on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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