I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she looked like the before picture.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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