After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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