just tell him i said nine months
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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