You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
