Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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