At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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