Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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