I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
