This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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