Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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