this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
