i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
