am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
