Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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