Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
