You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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