Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
