What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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