Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
