Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
