I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
