I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
