really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
