When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
