So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
