I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
