I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
