I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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