grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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