Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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