Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
