How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
