Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Randomize
