M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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