i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
