why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
