you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
