if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
