So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
