I saw his package. It spoke to me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
