Need sex. Gaining weight.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
