I accidentally burped into my bong.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
