He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
