Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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