you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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