swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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