Pappa wants mamma naked
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
