We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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