When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just pee around me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
