It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
