also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
