no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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