Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
