Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
