You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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