she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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