i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i came on her dog
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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