So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
